19 Weeks today! Hurray

Well I just thought I would repost on my crazy week this week. I did end up workinga double on thursday night and I made it through the night with few problems. I didn't even call in sick on friday night. Mostly cause I wanted the weekend off. So thursday was a very emotional, eventful, crazy night. I was suppose to work the secure unit and started out doing so. There is a girl there that I haven't worked with really at all. And thursday night was just not a good night for her. She ended up getting placed in a room by herself (which we call observation). From this room she was yelling all sorts of threats to the staff that "made her mad". Then she decided to try another route. She proceeded to say "oh and you know that girl that is wearing the green shirt and capri pants? I am going to attack her first, because she is pregnant and I want to kill her baby!" The thoughts just started racing and I had no control over them. My supervisor quickly asked me to leave and I was off the unit for the night. (Thank goodness) Me being the emotional ball of hormones that I am could barely make it to the bath room before I started sobbing. I was mad at this girl and I was mad at myself for hating this girl. I was mad at myself for wanting to well we won't go there. The rest of my two shifts I spent thinking about this incodent and what I need to do to protect myself. It made me realize that I am vulnerable and I don't really have control over life like I wish I had. I decided that I would not work near this girl. Which means that things will have to be moved around significantly. That makes me feel bad because I like my job. No matter what I say when I get frustrated, or tired, or just plain sick of it. There is a reason I have worked there for over two years now. I like my job. I like working with these girls. Yes they may be super frustrating and sometimes it may be like trying to beat a square peg into a round hole. But there is just something about having a conversation with one of these girls when they finally get it. When they have figured it out. Or even just some aspect of what you are trying to teach them. That is what I love about it. And what other job could you get paid to go skiing, take girls to the movie or out to dinner. Or just sitting around watching a movie on a saturday afternoon. This blogging thing is a good thing, this is the first time I have been able to think positively about my job since the incident on thursday night. And frankly for a while before that too. Any ways, this girl tried to apologize to me yesterday while passing me in the hall. I didn't know what to do. I just ignored her. I really don't feel like being around her so long as I am pregnant. So as rude as this may seem, that is my plan for the next few months, just ignore her and avoid her. Not something that I am used to doing. I am one that wants to go and get things straightened out as soon as possible. And really I just want to go and tell her off, and let her know that it is NOT ok to threaten people. And tell her that I will press charges if she does ever try to do anything about that threat. And that I will do what ever I can to ensure that she is punished to the fullest extent of the law, if anything is done to me. So night watch was pretty easy that night. And I think it would have been a ton better had I not been pregnant. I was fine until 6am. One hr before my shift ended. I started throwing up. I was able to get someone to cover for me the first time. The second I didn't see a point there was nothing left in my stomach and there was a perfectly good sink right there on the unit. So I spent a good portion hanging over the sink. And you would think the throwing up would stop there. Oh no it didn't. After leaving I could barely make it home before it started again. I think I scared the crap out of Jordan cause I was on the phone with him when I was almost home, and I just felt like I hit that brick wall. You know the wall that runners talk about. I could only imagine that is what it felt like. Only with the hormones it just made me feel crazy. I got home and pretty much just hung up on Jordan. I did say good bye but I think that was about it. I threw up on the door step of the house and then barely made it to the kitchen sink, I was then overcome with only what I could explain as an anxiety attack and could not stop crying and breathing heavily. I finally got myself to bed and the minute I fell asleep I felt relief. I give thanks in part to the unisom. That was not only comforting my stomach but also helping me to sleep. Sleep was really all I needed because I felt a bit like I had a hangover when I woke up but in all I felt MUCH better. It was quite the experience but I will NEVER do that again. On a much happier note, I felt the baby move for the first time. It was quite active while I was trying to sleep yesterday morning. I must say it is the weirdest feeling ever. To know that something is moving inside you. I have also had the strange urge to call it her when refering to the baby. Usually I get to that part and am stuck and end up saying it. But not today, I always have to catch myself and say it or the baby. I don't want to jinx, cause I really do want a girl. 2 more days till we get to find out. I hope we do anyways and that the baby decides to cooperate. I found out my friend is pregnant. That made me sooooo excited. She is 8 weeks and is going to the same doctor as I. She said that Dr Young got a new U/S machine and I got to see some pics. They looked WAY better than mine. You could see the arms and legs, and what was left of the tail/butt. It was pretty amazing. So I am even more excited about mine on monday. Because if it made it that more clear on an 8 week. Well then its going to be alot better for a 19week. Sorry for it being so long. But I was excited that I actually had something to post. Jordan went golfing and then he is off to his utes game. I am going out with a friend to something,(I forgot what it is) and then later I will be going out to a movie with some freinds from work. Have a fantastic weekend. I know I will. Cause I don't have to work!