Sharing some thoughts!

I really have been doing alot of thinking the last two days. (yesterday and today) I love it when I get in these thinking moods. It all started in church yesterday. Not where it usually happens since Pj came around. I mean he is very distracting. But I have been a bit whiney lately and feeling sorry/scared for myself. I mean how am I going to handle 2 kids? I remember quite distinctly how hard it was when pj was first born. I've been wondering how I will handle it with two. I won't even be able to pick pj up for 6 weeks and sometimes he can be a needy little boy. I've been trying to get him ready. We have been practicing the stairs. We have a battle with this one now cause most times he just wants me to pack him down. The mornings are the worst! So I picture myself with a baby in my arms (who is crying, cause they always cry when its least convienent) and trying to coax pj down the stairs him throwing his usual fit. And me just wanting to probably cry from sheer exhaustion.

Now forward back to church. The sacrament hymn. Those are always the best cause they remind you of someone who knows what you are going thru, right? Yep it sure does and that is oh so comforting to know. But something else stuck out to me to. The scripture where Jesus is praying and asking for the cup to pass from him. Not only did he not really want to finish it ( I mean who would) But he left it up to Gods will. And you know what. Gods will was for him to finish. Finish with something so painful, Im sure it hurt them both. However something very wonderful came from that and we are all grateful for this. So grateful we remember it every sunday and try to remember it every day of our lives. It helps us to be better people, and to come to know our Heavenly Father. Its purpose is so big my small words do no justice.

I realized that yep its going to be really hard at times! And Im going to want to quit. But oh the beauty and the greatness that will come from it. NOTHING compared to what the Savior did for us. I don't even want to compare it. Im just looking at the good that came from such suffering. And it made me look back at my life. I have had alot of trials. (every one does its part of life) but I looked at how happy I am now after having experienced them. And what I have gained from each of these painful or hard experiences.

So God finished my lesson to me as I sat in a non denomnational service at work last night. I need to stop fighting with God. I don't even really think I knew I was fighting with him. But I was. For control, we all want control in our lives. I was fighting for the painless less trying road. And God knew better. I was expeirencing alot of anxiety knowing that I was on a collision course for trial. Not so much anymore. Knowing that I may be headed for trials but when its all said and done, my Father in Heaven is there by my side leading me thru it. Seeing me to the blessings that only kids can bring.

I would not take back the trials I went thru with Pj. I remember one night being oh so tired. My patience being tried by a baby that just wouldn't sleep. So I sang to him. Sang so I didn't go all crazy so I didn't yell and scream. I sang to help calm me down and maybe him too. I sang the first song that came to my head. One I sing alot to myself when I get frustrated and just want to scream. "I am a Child of God" I think its the first that comes to mind cause I know all the words (at least to the first verse) Boy did I learn the power of those words that night! Looking into that boys eyes. One that had just come from our Fathers presence not to long ago. I had a reasurring feeling come over me that we ARE children of God. I resolved then to raise him as such. (I don't think I wouldn't have anyway) But that peaceful moment sticks with me to this day. That peace that the Lord gave me in the middle of the night in the middle of my struggles helped me to get thru. And now I enjoy a boy who mostly sleeps thru the night. One that is oh so sweet and shows me great love each and every day. I feel even more close to my husband who shows me a similar love. Yep we spend most of our time talking about that boy. What an amazing gift God has given me! An amazing husband and a son. And soon to be a daughter.